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(Untitled)

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(Untitled)

Post by chimes- on Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:55 am

I wish I could
Stay longer....
But I guess I can't
Time moves too quickly
To say bye obviously....
'Cause that seems to be
The case with you
In my head I'm
Hoping
Even
Screaming
If you will
Come over here
So I can say hi
Or at least say
Bye
It's ok
I guess that's
Just the way
You were built
But on the inside....
It's not ok.
I don't know
Maybe I'm just
Jealous
Maybe I'm just mad
But if that is the
Case.....
Get your ass over here
Because I love you <3

------------------------
Some C/c would be nice....
Please stay on topic as well...
If you have any other comments that are off topic, then just pm me them.
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Ruri on Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:51 pm

C/c: I'm a big fan of using a couple short, choppy lines to grab attention to one part, but I think it went on wayy too long in this poem.
Well written, and some lines and parts were really good... but overall not one of your best.

Good poem though
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by chimes- on Thu Mar 05, 2009 5:52 pm

Thanks.
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Kazuma on Sat Mar 07, 2009 7:45 pm

Come on chimes-. I have seen you do way better than this. Maybe its the fact that March break is coming up or your just not into an emotional train ride anymore but your poems lack meaning. I like the choppynisssssssssssssssssssss but it went way to long.
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by chimes- on Sat Mar 07, 2009 7:54 pm

Im trying to work on not being soo dark and depressing...y'know...being a happy person??
There are definitely still some depressing poems in the back of my head though...they're just having a coffee break.
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Kazuma on Sat Mar 07, 2009 8:03 pm

lol... I think you should go with the demonic and depressing poems because those are you specialt. + there fun to read and also I can feel the emotion in it Razz Razz
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by chimes- on Sun Mar 08, 2009 7:43 am

lol...I know
Im just paused right now
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Ruri on Sun Mar 08, 2009 8:11 pm

Hahaha
Hold on.. paused? As in put on hold, taking a break? Geeze, hope that's not a reference to what's been happening recently..?
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by chimes- on Mon Mar 09, 2009 1:20 pm

NO NO!
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Re: (Untitled)

Post by Satanic on Mon Mar 09, 2009 2:37 pm

I agree with Kaz u should let ur depressing side out
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Re: (Untitled)

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