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I dont care if this is demonic

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I dont care if this is demonic

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:32 pm

Keep in mind this is how I uswed to feel.
Not now, now I have great friends Razz


Can't you see
The pain in my eyes?
But this is me
And my life.
If you hold me close
You can hear my heart
It cries more than most
From being torn apart.
After every breath I take,
After every fight I witness,
I ask "why must I awake?"
Will I ever conquer forgiveness?
Can you ever truly
Forgive without forgetting?
I am lonely.
My life I am abandoning.
From pain I am running.
Even though these tears are streaming
I will never look back.
All in all,
I have one question to ask.
Would you still catch me if I fall?
Maybe one day you will see.
This is how I live,
And this is me.
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by Kazuma on Mon Feb 23, 2009 5:35 pm

ill let Demonic/Chimes- answer this one LMAO
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by chimes- on Mon Feb 23, 2009 6:39 pm

XD Kaz
Well, its definitely not as demonic as some of mine.
I hope thats what you wanted to hear.
Its emotional, not neccasarily demonic.
Good job though
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by Ruri on Tue Feb 24, 2009 7:19 am

Loved it.

C/c: The line where it says "And I ask 'why must I awake?'" could be changed a little to make it flow a little better. Take the "a" off "awake". Word becomes "wake", which is still a word and flows a little better - "awake" has 1 too many syllables in my opinion.

Again though, great job. Better than me for sure...
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Tue Feb 24, 2009 7:24 pm

Ok I agree about the syllabled
and u never know u could be great at writting
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by chung chin on Wed Feb 25, 2009 2:16 pm

Personally, I think it was awesome, a little confusing but once I read it twice I understood it better. I'm a little slow today... maybe I took a few too many advils... uh-oh
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Re: I dont care if this is demonic

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:11 pm

lmao
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