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First Love

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First Love

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:59 pm

I've loved you since I met you,
Though there's nothing I can do.
You've really hurt my feelings,
And I deserve better than you.
I thought you said you loved me,
But I guess I heard wrong.
It's not going to help to come over here,
And sing a pathetic love song.
You hurt me with the truth,
You said you didn't care.
But you know? In my mind,
I really don't think that's fair.
Being with you,
Made my world seem worth while.
You can't just pretend like you don't know me,
And put me away in some ex-girlfriend file.
To you, my feelings mean nothing,
To me they mean the world.
You cannot get rid of
The love that we shared.
You ruined my life,
Made my heart bleed.
Love is like money,
You can also take it out of greed.
The words you said to me,
Though as gentle as a dove,
Made me think,
So much for my first love.


Last edited by Choni on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:08 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: First Love

Post by Ruri on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:04 pm

First thing I notice... the blue is REALLY hard to read.

Another good poem though. Again, some lines have (in my opinion) one or two too many syllables. Great work though Very Happy
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Re: First Love

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Tue Feb 24, 2009 4:08 pm

haha yeah sorry about the colour
But thanks
and thank you for the constructive critasisim Surprised
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Re: First Love

Post by chung chin on Tue Feb 24, 2009 5:15 pm

Awesome poem!! I have to agree with Ruri though, some places do have a few too many syllables. Other than that the poem was very well written! What a Face
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Re: First Love

Post by Eissa_Me_Mario on Tue Feb 24, 2009 7:19 pm

thanks
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